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Saturday, October 18, 2008

Seriously?

I haven't posted in a bit for a number of reasons. Mostly, very busy trying to wrap my brain around all of our changes.

I've thankfully had constant help since last Monday. My dad was here, then my sister-in-law, Christy, then Jeanette (Joe's mom), then my momma. I can't explain what a blessing it's been to have the extra set of hands. I'm not a queen multi-tasker, so to meet everyone's needs and keep a together house...not really happening on my own. I thought I was busy and falling behind with adding homeschool to my life. Ha! Ha!...heh, heh, uh, (crazy lady laugh here). Everything I've whined about in the past, I take it back. Not that the Lord doesn't give me fresh perspective daily. There is always someone I can see who is struggling with a much worse circumstance than us, yet, with apparent grace and strength. Which doesn't make me feel bad, it just motivates me to find the positive in each day.

So, I've pretty much been that hermit I mentioned previously. It's so much easier to just stay here and not try to add many activities to our lives. Not a hermit enough though (more of that to follow). I had no idea what all juvenile diabetes meant, and how many misconceptions I had. I still feel like I have much to learn as I slowly emerge from my fog and can possibly do personal research. What I have learned is that it is not much like Gestational Diabetes (which I had with Norah), or much like Type 2 (though they can get as insulin dependent eventually...as I understand it). It is not controlled or reversed or made better by simple diet and exercise. Her pancreas doesn't make insulin. So, every morning I wake up and think should I go check on her and make sure she hasn't crashed in her sleep? Don't be paranoid, but I am...hmmm. Then I go to what am I going to make her for breakfast? Will it make her shoot high in glucose? Then I have to carefully measure with measuring cups and spoons every aspect of her meals. If it's measured in grams or ounces, then I have to use my food scale. If she doesn't eat it all, I have to weigh the remainder, and hope my algebra skills don't fail me as I try to calculate how many carbs she missed for the insulin I gave her, and then give her something to make up for it (luckily for her, it's generally a little sweet). It goes against my mother instinct to make her finish everything I give her. I feel like I'm feeding her more than normal, because I was so thoroughly educated last week on the balance of fruits and veggies, and proper numbers of carbs for her age/size. By the time I meet all those desired goals, she has a huge plate of food. Plus, I have to take into account any stress she seems to be under, or any exercise she's had or I anticipate her having. Then I have to figure her shot based on carbs on her plate, current blood-sugar, and all those other factors. Ugh.

Before I give her the food, I have her plate completely ready, then I make her test her blood sugar, then I give her the shot(s), then her food. Then, I try to rush and make meals for Jossie, who at this point is going "Hey! Where's my food Mommy?," and shove Norah in the high chair with something to tide her over until I can focus on her. Once my helpers are gone, I may forget about feeding myself or making coffee for a while.

Sophie has gotten so much calmer about shots which is good since she has to take 4 at a minimum. She even willingly takes one to have an afternoon snack. She's also been fairly stable with her sugar levels, even at night, which helps us sleep a little better.

Now to the Seriously? part:

Today, Sophie woke up with a stomach bug.

Yep, you read that right, a stomach bug.

This is one of those things that people have said in the last 2 weeks, "Oh, you really want to avoid that at all costs. That really throws diabetes off, and you're not even used to diabetes yet."

Uh-huh, that's what happened though.

She's done ok with it, and her blood-sugar hasn't gotten as crazy as it could have, or they expected it to go. I don't know if the doctor on-call appreciates us for calling him several times today, but he kept assuring us that she was ok. He adjusted her insulin down. Her blood-sugar was still low before bed, which makes us nervous. We get to test her a couple of times during the night though. Should be fun. She doesn't exactly sleep through it, we've learned. It's a HUGE deal to her. The more crying and screaming she does, the more her sugar can go down too (or up). I think that's the most frustrating about this all, is how unpredictable it seems sometimes.

I was reminded by a friend last night, to call on the Lord by name, and He will be there. She also reminded me to live in the present and not to worry about the future. It was a good reminder.

I trust He'll get us through. On another post, I'll mention some of the deep insights Sophie has shared. They're actually quite special. She's ridiculously mature for 5 sometimes.

We of course still welcome all prayers, especially in the next couple of days. In trying to get back to "normal," they're having to realize that discipline is still a part of our lives, and t.v. isn't the only activity we can do. Ahhh...in due time.

I'm so thankful for all of my family. I'd much rather have Diabetes to deal with, than to not have my beautiful babies and loving husband.

3 comments:

Laura said...

You write so well about the ups and downs of everything. I don't think I was able to ever communicate that clearly during the first year of Carter's diagnosis. You are a very observant and attentive mommy. I love the insights you have into Sophia, her behavior, her personality, and the reactions. I walk the same emotional roller coaster with Carter though as he gets a little older, thankfully I catch glimpses of maturity. The tears, fits, and temper tantrums are real though and add even more of an emotional tug on our hearts as moms as we simply can't "fix" it or make it go away.

I am so sorry that Sophia got sick....it is a nightmare. Christy called me and I was lifting you all up all day in prayer. Though it seems a long way off, there will be days that will seem more "normal" than others. Though I have lost the definition of what normal used to be :). I say that with a smile...laugh anytime you can as it is good for the soul. I also would find myself grieving during the strangest times such as folding Carter's laundry. God has been amazingly faithful to our family on this journey and opened my eyes to How Great He is...my reliance on Him increases everyday. We will talk live soon. Until then know you are being covered in prayer. Blessings, Laura

Amanda Cash Geidl said...

I'm really encouraged by your strength and the grace that YOU DO HAVE as you're walking through this. I can never get that verse out of my head, "he's given us everything we need for life and godliness"...that includes diabetes! His hand is on you; it's evident. I know it's hard, but you can rejoice that even through your blog, you are honoring Him and bringing Him glory.

Jeanette said...

It was helpful to me to read Laura's comment about crying at the strangest times. I find myself doing the same thing. We have a pretty strong prayer army against diabetes right now! We'll just have to keep it up.