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Saturday, September 17, 2011

Trying to Laugh

Sometimes I laugh at the title of the blog being 'Family Laughs" and it seems like I haven't posted anything funny in so long.  We do still laugh, I just seem to never have the time to post about it before it drifts from memory.

Then there are moments in life where you just feel kicked...

My precious mother-in-law just found out she's diagnosed with lung cancer.  No further information yet.  Very frustrating.  She's been coughing and sick for almost a year.  She's had 4 biopsies before it finally revealed what we'd suspected for quite some time.  Though suspecting for some time, it doesn't make you prepared.  We had a host of other ideas of what it could be...like fungal infection, bacterial infection, etc.  You're never really prepared to hear the word Cancer.  

It's been a roller coaster of emotions since Friday.  Trying to tell the girls that Nana's fighting a bigger battle than we'd hoped, wasn't easy.  Sophie asked some hard questions.  Norah asked if it grew like a plant.  Even tonight when praying, asked for those things to stop growing in her Nana.  Sophie asked God to heal her, "because she needs to get back to cleaning our houses!!"  She knew she was being funny, but also knows that Nana hasn't had any energy for some time, and she used to love just jumping in and cleaning...it is one of Sophie's favorite things to join her in when they're together.  They are kindred spirits in many ways.  They're both organized, melancholy, love deeply, Type 1 diabetics, find coloring perfectly therapeutic...I could go on and on.  

Joe's stress and gigantic expectations from others at work hasn't diminished in the slightest.  Life doesn't wait for an easy time to bring crisis.  And then you add that this is his Mama, and he really loves her.  Not fun at all. 

I don't believe this is the end for her, but I know this is going to be a difficult journey.

It's hard not to look at life as "not fair" sometimes.  Reta, Joe's grandma, who is also Nana's mom, has lost 2 sons already to cancer.  She's 91 and fit and vibrant...we've always joked that she's going to take care of all of us someday, in fact she's taken care of old people as her job up until a few weeks ago when she fell and broke her hip!  It pains me to think of what she must be feeling right now knowing her daughter has this beast to battle.  

I worry about my kids ability to handle the stress of it all.  It will be a time of growth for them.  They really adore her.  

Moments like this put it all in perspective.  We don't know our days ahead.  We never know if we have tomorrow.  We have to take each day to show love, to show grace, to extend forgiveness.  Family isn't ever perfect, but they're each worth being valued, enjoyed, adored.

I was so inspired by Jeanette (Nana) when talking to her briefly about it last week.  She said, "I only have today to pray through.  If I have tomorrow, I'll pray to get through tomorrow.  I can't let my mind go down the path of what ifs."  

Our God is a good and merciful God.  My friend reminded me of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego when getting ready to be thrown in the fire.  They proclaimed that they believed their God was good and would save them, and that even if He didn't, they would still proclaim His goodness to the end.

So this is how we laugh in the face of pain and suffering: we still proclaim His goodness to the end.

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