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It's a daily responsibility to guess appropriately everything she eats and make sure she gets the carbs put into her pump. Then if her blood sugar numbers are normal (I don't worry much if they're below 150), then we rest easy and are thankful that she's getting the correct insulin that she needs. But most days have a number that's over 200 at some point, and then if I'm not doing 20 other things and can wrap my brain around it, I need to check if her last carbs were even entered (in other words, did Sophie put the carbs in her pump, which then administered the right amount of insulin?). If they were, then I need to think about if I guessed the carbs wrong. If I'm certain I didn't, then I watch for her next number to see if it's high. If she's not coming down with corrections, then I need to see if her insulin is old. If not, does she need a site change because the current one isn't correcting well? If all those things are ruled out, then after a day or two of higher numbers I need to put her on a temporary increase, and that's a guess of adding 20% more all day to an extra 90% if she's sick.
Then you add weird factors like this was birthday weekend for she and Jossie, and so there was added stress, and added sugar (yay for cake!!), and she was high all weekend. Then factor in added exercise, which should be making her low and very often does during the summer. So many things to analyze on a daily basis. Never a day off for a mommy of a diabetic. The most difficult decisions are definitely in the middle of the night. Joe, bless his heart, hasn't slept decently since Jude was born. He sacrifices his sleep almost nightly to get up and test her, correct her, take her to the bathroom, etc. (If she's running high then her urine output is much higher, which can lead to wet beds). Often he'll try to wake me and ask what he should do about a correction or not. I am so foggy-headed...especially if I'm not the one who got up to test her. I make bad decisions sometimes in those moments, because I just can't think about it. She occasionally wakes up low in the mornings (below 70), but never at a scary number, so I'm thankful we've never truly put her in danger with too much insulin in the night.
To add to frustration sometimes, her behavior gets much worse by day 2 or three of higher numbers. That would be today. She just struggles to use a calm voice, or struggles to be reasonable. It's very challenging, because we know why she's out of control, and yet we have to teach her to try to control her behavior and trust us to help her make good decisions. I wish I could give that disclaimer when in public, but it is what it is.
It sounds negative, which I'm not trying to be. I'm thankful to be her Mommy...and her pancreas! I'm in love with that girl. She has an inner beauty that is hard to beat. She has grown and matured so much in the last year. She truly is a great helper with her baby brother, and he totally adores her. She has overcome many fears, and has gotten very strong physically. She has become a fantastic gymnast, and is learning to swim...even jumped off of the high dive last week in swim lessons. Ok, she's a little bitter about that one.
God is so good to us in it all. I see His hand in so much of her life. I see His strength in all of us never giving up on keeping her healthy. I feel His grace to keep believing and in keeping an attitude of overcoming, not one of being victims.
He didn't choose this for her, but He can make beauty from the ashes of our bodies and souls...and He does.
1 comments:
Anj ... (((hugs))). I know. I hold my breath every time that A1C machine whirs; it makes me feel like a kid waiting on my report card after I know I've been trying so hard to get the A but I can't help but remember all the individual problems on the assignments that I missed. All the factors we have to weigh (in addition to the food!) is dizzying at best, not to mention that we have other children who need us just as much as she does ... it's a really hard job. I feel like sometimes I just have to remind myself of the basic goals as a Mommy Pancreas: keep her healthy and in love with life, teach her how to responsibly take care of herself. We can't be "graded" on that with an quarterly A1C test because we are still "in class" for a while. :)
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