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I think I forgot to mention in recent posts that Sophia's A1C was 6.3 last time. That's a great number! It was 8.9 when diagnosed, and the desired range for avoiding long-term body damage is between 5 and 7. So, I felt a sigh of relief that the ups and downs weren't as awful as I'd fretted they could be.
I try not to over-analyze every number, but when I'm the one who's in charge of keeping her from suffering from the side-effects of diabetes, I do feel responsible when her numbers are off.
I talked to a couple people from the clinic this week. They feel her current weird numbers are two things: One, she's going through a growth spurt, which can throw things off. Two, she's starting to show more rebounding.
What in the world does that mean, we all wonder???
Well, apparently as the pancreas is closer to fully calling it quits, it stops sending the right messages, and whenever her sugar drops below 70 the liver starts spitting out sugar. Since it's not getting messages from the pancreas, it doesn't know when to stop. Thus her numbers go from 45 to 465 in a matter of an hour or two. It's good to have an explanation and not feel so so much guilt. But, I can't help but wonder what this means. Will she always vacillate wildly like this? That feels so awful in her body. And it's awful to observe. I feel powerless.
Tear, tear...
Sniff, sniff...
Sigh.
She and I have had some sweet moments lately though. Lots of snuggles when we're trying to get her to come up or down. She has a beautiful soul, that girl.
I recently had one of those really bad days where the sad feelings were taking over. I did one of those things we probably all have done in our lifetimes, and questioned whether God really existed. Sorry, I hope that doesn't sound ridiculous to some. I said, "I don't mean to test You, but I really need to know that you care about my situation. I need you to give me a scripture that spells it out for me."
I laughed at myself afterword. This is why: I felt led to turn to Psalms.
First verse I see in Psalms:
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him my Savior and my God.
Psalm 42:5
Saturday, March 14, 2009
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3 comments:
first of all... cutey cute blog wallpaper!!!
secondly... love that God gave you such a perfect verse when you needed it.
thirdly... glad i'm not the only one who has those moments w/ God.
you are awesome.
your beautiful.
Hang in there girl! Yes the numbers are cruel and crazy but that A1C is awesome. I know the panic to go from 49 to 469 in an hour. It is crazy and uncontrollable but thankfully we have a Savior who is in control of their little lives and is watching over them. I have continually learned more of His grace through this journey as I have to learn to not hold myself as responsible for things out of my control. Now I do screw up and sometimes the numbers are my fault for lack of follow through :( but then again His grace is sufficient. :) It makes me humbly more aware that I couldn't walk this path without Him. I continue to pray for you all. Are you going to get a pump anytime soon? Love to You
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