OK, so I had this baby...

It really happened.  

I thought it might not.

I had a baby.

Really.  I thought I might be pregnant forever.  I've had this thought before, but when you're 5 days overdue with your 4th, you do start giving credence to thoughts that this beach ball might just be a permanent feature.  And I might just be the most miserable person in summertime for the rest of my life.

Did I mention that this was "the hottest summer on record" in our lovely town, according to our local meteorologist?  Disgustingly hot!  I try not to complain.  But, it just became impossible to hold my tongue on the misery I felt by the end of August.  Of course, it never helps when I convince myself, that due to my obvious hugeness and the heat that's just killing me...I'll definitely go 2-3 weeks early.  

Dumb.

If you're pregnant, just don't do that to yourself.  

So, the night of the 4th, I thought I was in labor, but I had thought this many times before in the previous few weeks.  I tearfully decided to go to the hospital, but was convinced that they would surely send me back.  

They didn't like my contraction rate and sent me walking.  

In my lovely hospital gown...

Around the lobby.  

Good times.

Who needs modesty?  Just get the baby out.  

So, long and short of it...they kept me.  

I didn't progress too quickly, but then, as I warned them would happen, I went from a 5 to a 10 in 20 minutes.  Sadly, my doctor had gone out of town (really sad, because he had delivered all of my other babies), and the on-call doctor didn't quite feel the need to hurry.  So, at the last minute a friend of ours comes in and says he's the chief resident for the night and would we be okay with him delivering?

I'm a 10.  Going natural.  Get the baby out.  I DON'T CARE!!

Lucky for him, the other doctor showed up.  

And without further details, out came the baby, and since we were waiting to find out, the doctor said, "It's a baby!!"

I didn't care what we had.  The baby was out and crying and looked amazing.  But, in a moment, Joe moved the umbilical cord, and I could feel his tears as he said,

"Honey, it's a boy!"

Jude Nathaniel.  8 lbs 9 oz, 20 inches.  

Jude the Dude.

Juders.

Juderbug.

My sweet, sweet, mama's boy...

Yep.  We're in love.

He's amazing.  I think we'll keep him.

Tears in a Bottle

I've latched onto this verse in Psalms I found the other day.  I love it.  My favorite Bible version is the New Living Translation.  It's not as wordy as the Message, but still puts the words in clear and personal terms.  I think we have a pretty personal God, so it resonates with my heart.

Anyway, I found this verse the other day and felt it was one that would speak to so many people. 

You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.  On the very day I call to you for help, my enemies will retreat.  This I know: God is on my side.  O God, I praise your word.  Yes, Lord, I praise your word.  I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?  Psalm 56:8-10

I just love it.

As Americans we are so good at presenting our false selves.  We want you to like the person we present.  The pretty picture.  The one who has it all together.  The one who says kind things, is funny, successful, a good parent, and feels no pain.  

Why???

It's exhausting being a person you're not.  I probably am too honest for people sometimes (not that I am innocent of false self, by any means).  But, I hate feeling fake.  If you ask me how I'm doing, I can't lie.  If it's been an exhausting day, or I'm feeling rather emotional about my parental successes/failures, I can't pretend it's all OK.  

I have made these incredible friendships in the last couple of years.  People whom I can trust to tell anything and they still just love me.  Sometimes they help steer me, and other times they just listen.  Sometimes they show up with band-aids and chocolate, so you don't have to run out to the store with your four kids.  Seriously.  Good friends.  I love that there are people out there who are so authentic that they love me no matter which self I present.

And when I read this scripture, it assures me that I don't have to present a false self...a pretty picture to God either.  We forget that he knows exactly what we think and feel anyway, so what's the point in trying to fake it with Him?  These verses opened my eyes to how deeply he cares.  He loves our joy and even says that when we choose Joy it is our strength, but he also clearly cares deeply for our sorrows.  So much so that every tear is collected in a bottle.  Every sorrow he records in his book.  And then he gently reminds that if we trust in Him we have nothing to fear.  

I read this to Sophia this morning.  It was very sweet.  She had the sweetest smile as I told her that God is right there caring for her when she's sad.  I said, can you believe He writes down something every time you are sad?  She smiled sweetly.  I said,  I bet it goes something like this..."Ah, sweet Sophia.  I hope you know I'm right here when you're sad.  Always remember that I am on your side. I love you."